Pluto transits

 Pluto transits undermine and mine under.
Throughout the process, we discover aspects of ourselves which were previously hidden from our view, or buried and hatching. These very qualities may be absolutely visible to others, and seen as our power or wealth.
Pluto transits are a natural and necessary phase in a life cycle, which we will each experience at some points in our Life.
It’s an evolution of our Soul’s essence, a magnetic pull to grow down into ourselves.
It’s an experience of going under, being taken down and inwards, often needing the space of aloneness to sense and enter into this call towards communion with our Soul.
It’s a process of dissembling, a deconstructing of anything which has completed its natural cycle and can no longer purposefully survive in its current form.
It’s a process.
Anything now proving complete or outworn will tend to cease working, ebb, fall, disappear or die, leaving a space and a fertile void which feels stangely empty and full, at one and the same time.
Our conscious mind may rail and rebel at such shifts, we may kick and scream, yet Fate will have it’s way…the way of our Soul.
It’s a snake shedding a skin, a chrysalis process, a Phoenix ultimately arising.
Out of such an un-wound space, a renewed form is silently and determinedly seeding, hatching and gradually coming to birth.
It’s sometimes a deeply enchanting and alluring journey…there’s a magnetism. Sometimes a sense of nemesis is hazily shrouded and we innocently plunge towards something which carries a potent sense of destiny. At other times we have a sense on the edge of our awareness….that we are a moth to a flame, knowing wings will smoulder, yet our  Fate sing a siren’s calling.
This Pluto process beckons us to unveil another layer of Soul. It heralds a discovery of buried treasure quietly and patiently awaiting the ripe and open conditions to emerge, and to begin its becoming and integration.
Often not pretty, often a primal ripping and tearing of who we though we were and should be. Demanding out honesty and truth-telling to ourselves.
And oh…through the dazed, crumpled, bruised rags and tatters, that emerging potential to dance deeply within the rapture of life as a phoenix rising…
‘And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom’ – Anais Nin

THE JUPITER-URANUS CONJUNCTION…and perceiving the wonders of our world.

The current Jupiter-Uranus conjunction in Taurus has been moving into connection for the last week…it’s become big stuff across social media and in many conversations.
Let’s explore….
Jupiter and Uranus conjoin every 13-14yrs, co-inciding within a particular Zodiac sign, sequentially. These Gods of expanding perspectives and wild awakenings stream into and through us human beans, in a co-weaving.
They vibe humanity with the potential to grow, expand, provoking and beckoning us to see the area of Life expressed through the lens of the particular Zodiac sign, from a whole new perspective. Our angle of vision may be significantly opened into wide and far-angled.
This sometimes leads to revolution, previously unimagined inventions, innovations, or happenings which rock the world.
This weekend, Jupiter and Uranus are now fully joined together in their alchemical marriage, the ceremony is happening, consummating and opening up a phase which will last for the next 13-14yrs.
During this phase, Jupiter and Uranus’ own progression and evolution in relationship to one another, alongside other planets or Sky deities adding their gifts along the way, will weave a new tapestry and a new potential will be seeded into humanity.
And this begins with each individual human pod of being and awareness experiencing their very own response and receiving of these awakening and expanding energies.
We are being invited, touched, moved, inspired into a new realm of perception, to add to the collective.
We are each seeds of potential shaping the field of the collective.
I have seen many ‘WOW’ blogs on this conjunction, presenting this conjunction as something which will simply happen TO us, with amazing consciousness expansion and maybe even a new paradigm launching.
As if by magic, without our engagement and response.
Yet we are beings of Fate and Free Will.
We experience so much…a myriad vast variety of events, during our time on Earth. And we have the opportunity, within every experience, to respond and shape our ‘being’ within and alongside the experience, and how it touches and moves us.
We are co-creators of our life experiences…a magical weaving of Fate and Free Will.
We are co-weavers.
So, back to this grand conjunction…
Let’s definitely keep our curious eyes upon world events and what is happening in the Zeitgeist.
And…let’s not forget that we each have our unique way of receiving, experiencing and engaging with Jupiter and Uranus expanding our awareness of Taurus aspects of Life. And this contributes to the Whole…it is an opening of true conversation with the panetary deities and the Zeitgeist.
We humans can experience the sensual wonders of being in a body on this Earth.
The treasures and pleasures of experiencing the world through five amazing physical senses…to see beauty, colour and nuance of form, to hear exquisite birdsong and music, to taste and savour yummy foods and drinks, to catch aromas and breathe them in with an ‘Aaaaaah’, to feel silken textures with our fingertips, to feel the ecstasy of Life on Earth.
Maybe amidst this Jupiter-Uranus conjunction, we could pause to notice any recent awakened perceptions, not only regarding our body perceptions and experiences, but also towards what we HAVE on Earth.
Our amazing resources of food, plants for medicine and healing, for building and sustaining our homes, for furniture and dishes and cutlery, for tools, for clothing and crafting and exploring, for ornamentation.
And through the tragedy of loss of home, food, safety, being able to sustain security , of DIS-honouring what we receive from the Earth, what we truly value, need and love emerge as stark realisations….even when we watch this happening seemingly far away, we can pause, feel and witness our response, our imagining into that reality. And expand our perception.
We can practice being active in doing this…creating a wider and richer field of perception through simple slowing and dropping into…
We can notice what we truly value, what is most precious to us, in our life on Earth…what may we have forgotten to honour, to love, to cherish with respect and gratitude to the magic of our existence on this amazing planet.
Maybe we can remember to give thanks, to Mother Earth, to the essence of Creation itself, which has seeded every aspect of our life experience.
So maybe these seemingly simple yet truly profound areas can be our awakening.
And through this, we can recognise our own personal eurekas…and so the world evolves.
Go slow…touch the Earth and remember process and evolution have their own timing.
And as you slow and touch the Earth, or watch that seed breaking through it’s seed case with the determined magic of creation and becoming, what wonders do you perceive?

Spring Equinox

Spring Equinox blessings!
The Sun entered the Zodiac sign of Aries before dawn here in England today, heralding the end of Wintering and the rising of Spring’s vital potent energy both around and within us.
Creating balance becomes really important now.
We may want to power ahead in some way, or even feel we ‘ought’. Yet this newly birthing rising sap energy also needs deep rest and reflection to generate, grow, orientate and sustain itself.
This reflects the needs of a newborn baby….for love, rich nurturing and deep sleep and dreaming as they enter life on earth and seek to orientate themselves in this new realm.
Listen….notice…be curious.
Witness what is becoming, both within and around you.
What may be unfurling upwards and outwards as a tender and vital shoot of energy emerging from your Winter’s dreaming?
Explore and nurture this essence which is calling and weaving itself through you, into being.
What may be igniting you, driving you…irritating or impassioning you towards creating change?
Attending to the need for any life adjustments, releasing and re-balancing….these are worthy of your focus at Spring Equinox.
Inner and outer Spring cleanings which enable and enhance your natural flow of energy.
And not to be forgotten…giving a nod to all you have experienced, felt, realised, processed and come through throughout the wintry months.
Wisdom gained and tucked into the pockets of your Soul.
These life wisdoms infuse and inspire the casting off of cloaks which have been shrouding who you were always meant to be.
The Unveiling of You. ❣
‘Whatever you do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it’ – Goethe

SAGITTARIUS – from darkness into light

The Sun leaves the subterranean world of Scorpio and begins it’s journey through Sagittarius today.
The hope and optimism of this Fire sign fans flickering flames to life, from the buried glowing embers of Scorpio.
‘There MUST be a greater purpose to be found within the Scorpio journeyings into the Underworld and all that searching around in the darkness!!’ says this sign of meaning making.
The Sagittarian commitment to hope springing eternal brings an inner landscape to birth in a renewed way…Phoenix risen from the ashes burns evermore brightly.

This is the Zodiac season of hunger for life-adventures, lust for life, instinctive drives and passions, the pursuit and discovery of a wider world beyond homestead, a magnetism towards that which is peeping just above the horizon, of new potential and possibility. And that hunch of something just about to unfiold and spark into a new adventure or a new life trajectory. Wow! Exciting!!!
And even if the reality isn’t quite the imagined wondrous potential, the Sagittarian faith that everything has a meaning, and there is wisdom to be gained even within the most difficult of circumstances, means a quick dusting off can swiftly re-combobulate and re-orientate towards a new horizon, with a growing kit-bag of wisdom.

It’s the time of inner philosophical wonderings as to the connections and web of life, a time of journeyings and exploration into the bigger broader picture of life, learning, sense-making, making wisdom from experience, as long as moments of slower breathing and reflection can be created in the pauses between adventures. And then sharing that wisdom and inspiring others to look upwards and outwards.
This is the season of dreaming into landscapes of stories and myths…of gazing into the embers of a fire and wondering…and seeing what you are gifted to see.
Time to light that lantern in the darkness which may carry the eternal flame of Hope, which we surely need amidst these turbulent times.
The Chinese word for CRISIS is a beautiful symbol of the bridge between Scorpio and Sagittarius:
Wei Ji – Wei= Crisis, and Ji= Opportunity.
May we hold and tend this potential as a precious flame🙏

A Full Moon Broth (Scorpio Sun/Taurus Moon) with gristle and bones in the cauldron

This evening’s Full Moon in Taurus (opposite Sun in Scorpio) is also a partial Lunar eclipse – Saturday 28th.October 2023). It’s also the completion of the Taurus-Scorpio eclipse cycle theme of these last 2 years, since November 2021.
So here are some fulsome chewy and bony musings upon the essence of Scorpio and Taurus…for you to ponder, gristle, spice and all.
When the Sun resides in Scorpio, we find ourselves on the winding pathway into the depths of Autumn. It’s the Samhain phase when leaves are whirled off branches by storms and wild winds, with the stodge of mud and the crunch of acorns and beech mast underfoot.
Creatures begin their hibernation and fetid fungal aromas creep from misty forest floors. It’s the time of Autumn’s descent and trance-formation.
Taurus is everything opposite, being the sign directly across the Zodiac wheel from Scorpio. This Taurus Full Moon is known traditionally as the Hunter’s Moon, allowing hunters the full light of the Moon to hunt their prey, which provided Winter survival stores to last the hard months when there is little growth.
Taurus essence is the fullness of Spring, the season of Beltane when hedgerows are full, lush, verdant and abundant with beauty and edible plants. Aromas of bluebells and wild garlic abound. It’s the time of Spring’s dreaming and becoming.
These two Zodiac signs both reflect essential and polarising principles amidst the cycle of growth/dying/evolution.
The upsurging life-growth urge of Taurus to become, to be, to physically manifest in form, to grow roots and stabilise into an enduring entity.
And the equal and opposite principle of being drawn and magnetised towards Scorpio’s mysterious depths in the phase of death’s ending and completion.
In this Scorpio part of the cycle, something known, familiar, solid, physical and tangible is released or is lost…a body-skin, a habit now shifts it’s form, becoming outworn, a snake skin shedding….something necessarily releasing, emptying and shape-shifting.
We see the outer expression of this cycle in the familiar leafy tree line and full hedgerow becoming a spiky bony silhouette as an autumnal essence of it’s former self.
This season, phase and Zodiac sign challenge us…taking us down and ‘beyond’, and we often respond with fear and resistance, and ironically, yet understandably ‘holding on’.
We are not well-versed in how to dance with this de-generative phase of the cycle. Maybe we naturally hold-on to that which is known, and ‘life-full’, as our greatest physical instinct is self-preservation.
Yet our deepest instinct is surely a kinship with the whole of the natural cycle.
Methinks we benefit from exploring phases of release and dying with curiosity….as a mystery and a becoming, something great and deep and beyond our usual knowing. Deserving our honour, alongside our fear.
In this territory of life, we discover our own depths and mechanisms and styles of coping and being with the Unknown. This in itself is often a process of revelation.
Death is part of Life. A fullness before release, a gathering up before going….with an oft unknown magic weaving and whispering throughout our grieving process surrounding that which is lost, in either essence or form…life itself, something or someone cherished, a hope or a dream of potential, now gone. The Void is both empty and full.
This Scorpio phase is of entering the Void, Bardo, Formlessness, – a seed-releasing into the Void, where Fate sits dreaming…un-spinning and un-weaving for a while, before a spark emerges from the Void of it’s own volition, out of the cosmic cauldron of all which went before and more….to begin the cycle again.
It’s Trance-formation.
So this Full Moon finds us straddling two principles…Taurus and Scorpio
It’s day to stir the cauldron with curiosity…to listen to your visceral knowings …and breathe deeply into Life.
*A Word Broth*
Taurus and Scorpio polarities to stir and consider, chew and meditate upon, to dive deeply into this Full moon and all which the cycle of these last two years has brought….
Eros – Thanatos
In breath – Out breath
Swelling – Emptying
Nourishing – Fasting
Gathering – Undoing
Construction – De-construction
Holding on – Letting go
Gain – Loss
Fullness – Emptiness
Slow pace – Intense drive
Embodiment – Ensoulment
Life – Death
What do these images provoke and bring up within you?
Which essence do you find or dis-cover you are instinctively drawn towards?
In which areas of life may one of these priniciples dominate?
May there be benefit from dreaming into the opposite essence, to open up a less bramble-tangled pathway between these principles, to play creatively with a richer balance?
Enjoy! (with a hint of spice)
Blessings upon this Full moon and all it may bring, in richness and potential. ❣️☯️

Libra New Moon and Solar Eclipse – October 14th.2023

Today we have a New Moon and solar eclipse in Libra at 18.54 UK time.
A solar eclipse is when the Moon passes across the face of the Sun, creating an increased lunar orientation (instincts, feelings, the realm of ‘unconscious’ or felt knowings/sense), as opposed to solar (the realm of will, conscious direction towards stepping into one’s empowerment as an individual).
Engaging with this particular sky-dance benefits from an exploration into the sign of Libra, the Zodiac sign focus from September 23rd. to October 23rd 2023)
Libra is a cardinal air sign, its symbol of the perfectly balanced weighing scales being the only mechanical object in the Zodiac circle.
Libra is a thinking nature, seeking to bring balance, fairness, equality, good relationship and good conduct into action…. via diplomacy, mediation, negotiation, objectivity and consideration of all sides. The very best of human relating, with a spirit of decency and actively taking a breath to stand back and consider all the issues and needs at hand. Libra also aspires to create and enjoy art, design and music as a human cultivation of beauty, poise and symmetry. Exquisite.
And…as with every sign, it is important to get to know the shadow of this nature, especially when we are opening into an eclipse season on the Libran/Aries theme.
The shadow of any sign initially tends to manifest as untamed, uncontrolled…a ‘troublemaker’ or trickster nature, coming at us apparently from ‘outside’.
We do well from exploring and attempting to form a relationship with this ‘other’, so it does not lurk in the dark in our selves and life, so it may flourish and we may engage with and express a more whole quality of its being.
There is a danger of the sign held in shadow becoming a stubbornly held repository for our deep fears and projected blame; repression adding a hidden power and charge which ultimately explodes into our lives due to longevity of repression and denial. It’s the natural cycle of things…which we each know both personally and are seeing playing out so tragically on the world stage.
So…the shadow of Libra is Aries, first sign of the Zodiac and cardinal fire. Aries is a sign of spontaneous drive for action, will-force to defend and assert a cause dear to the Aries heart and soul, courage to enact a vision, with a willingness to fight for fiercely felt passions and goals.
Aries is the gutsy frontline…Libra is the strategist. Brawn and brain. Battlefield and negotiation table.
Interestingly, Libra is also a sign of ‘rightful vengeance’, or re-balancing a wrong.
Athene, the goddess of justice, was invoked on Greek battlefields, to unleash wrath as revenge.
Today’s New Moon and solar eclipse open a gateway into the next 6 months with a strong signature of Libra/Aries.
It’s a phase where we can actively focus on our relationship with each of these signs…being searingly honest what we ‘think’/aspire towards, and also what our guts may be calling for, our love, our hate, our passion, our sorrow, our desire for revenge….no hiding. All feelings need a place, a nod, to be held and processed. To be received and allowed, as Rumi expresses so eloquently in his poem ‘The Guest House’.
The theme of shadow and power, empowerment and disempowerment, survival, loss, death, release, void and transformation is reflected in the current cosmic signature.
Mars entered Scorpio last week as Pluto turned direct in the accelerated death throes at the end of Capricorn, heralding an intensification of the theme of survival of Authorities, ‘States’, ruling bodies and ‘those in charge’, as we know and have known them.
And the Moon moves into Scorpio tomorrow. Under pressure is state of being or phase which may naturally lead to discomfort, enquiry and dreaming within, and a knowing that something needs to ‘give’ or change….be released, let go or die to make space for new growth.
*See this cycle in action and being in nature al around us…
The Sun enters Scorpio on 23rd.October, with Samhain phase opening in early November . These are all deep cobwebs of connection with the Underworld, the realm of the Moirae, the Fates and the Furies, Hades and Pluto. The fertile ground from which all earthly life emerges and returns…womb to tomb.
How do we each allow in a new realisation, perspective or perception?
What do we each do when we feel threatened?
How kind and compassionate can we be to ourselves, when things are rough, overwhelming and challenging?
How can we uphold our values and beliefs, with courage and respect, and empowered elegance?
What do we each do when we f*#k up?
Is there a move we would like to make in any of these areas? And if so, what may we need to cultivate and create the conditions which might support this journey?
May these words be a spark, a reminder or a provocation to stir into your cauldron…and may we each look within, with raw honesty, as our contribution in weaving Earth and Cosmos amidst these intense times. 🙏

Dark Moon in Virgo

It’s a Dark Old Moon in Virgo today and this evening, 14th.September 2023, ending the waning phase of the lunar cycle before tomorrow’s New Moon at 2.49am UK time.
And there are currently six retrograde planets – Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune.
So this is a particularly juicy, pithy time to reflect and re-view, to look over our shoulder and see what emerges as a re-visioning.
Our inner eye is wide open in this lunar phase, slowly witnessing aspects of our lives which seek our processing and digestion.
Slowing down enables us to notice nuances. Body-scanning…slowly, deeply… may yield important instinctive knowings and insights under this Moon.
Listen care-fully…what is your body calling for and telling you?
Dark old Moon witnessing and processing is such a crucial process which then o-so-naturally flows into the emergent phase as the New Moon births the next lunar cycle.
Today is a sense-divining phase, time to pause and re-collect to allow a settling and a simple blessing of the month just passed.
Such honouring of the dark old moon spins and weaves wisdom from our life experiences and gives tinder to the spark of tomorrow morning’s New Moon.
Blessings on this Dark Old Moon in Virgo 🌘♍️

Virgo season

Virgo season has begun.
Early this morning my kitchen was full of the rich aroma of bread rising overnight, with hints of blackberries infusing in vinegar in a big earthenware pot, richly stewing a medicinal cordial to soothe sore throats over Winter.
The Sun had risen that bit later, visibly lower in the sky, and the grass was still damp from the night’s dew.
It’s the time of year when we behold the wonder and value of the Earth’s gifts, riches and all we can harvest.
Shining grain fields transformed into bread, swelling golden corn on the cob, deep iron-rich beetroots, ripening apples, purple blackberries, jelly and jam and pickle making, pumpkins and squash, trailing beans…and herbs which gift us precious medicine.
Virgo is a mutable Earth sign of the ritual priestess or virgin. This is a simple and quiet hermit-in-the-woods archetype, who lives within the seasons, sealskin patted firmly on, observing and honouring nature’s cycles.
It’s the one who practices and gifts earthy healing magic. the one who crafts and mends and brings attention to the small yet important details of life, with thoughtfulness.
It’s a sign of interiority, simplicity, a desire to bring order to life, to sort, discern and clarify wheat from chaff, Self from Other.
Virgo season is a liminal season…an inbetween mutable sign where Summer is ending and Autumn is beginning. It’s the season to notice the nuances of seasonal and cyclical transformation; the dew falling just a little earlier at night and lasting that little bit longer in the morning, the shift of different constellations rising and setting in the sky, the many wonders of our Earth and Cosmos, and the Spirit and elemental power weaving throughout all.
Time to pause, to take stock, to order, to mend, to clear.
What do you want to keep and cherish in your being and in your life… to integrate and incorporate? What may you feel nudged or called to release at Summer’s End?
A simple ritual of sitting outdoors by a fire as dusk falls, settling into reflection, wisdom-making, release and commitment can give great benefit in times of transition and transformation. Something is marked…and life may move and weave on in a subtly altered, deepened enriched way.
Then notice what may emerge….maybe a stirring within your Soul…maybe a call to weave some simple awe-some wonder into your Life…
Blessings on this Virgo season🌾🌻 💖

Narcissism – through the looking glass

My blog for World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day – June 1st. 2023 – a day dedicated to education and awareness of this complex and oft misunderstood experience within relationship.
So here’s my bit, a brief journey through the looking glass into narcissism, how it commonly presents; common experiences and supportive action when in relationship with a narcissist, and ideas for supporting a friend experiencing narcissistic abuse.
This is a fusion of research woven with others’ and my own personal experience. I hope this may be of support!
Narcissistic abuse is unfortunately much more common than most of us realise. I’m still learning a lot myself on my journey of healing and re-building…
‘Narcissist’ is a term which is now commonly slung out at someone who may be having an irritating yet one-off moment of self-centredness or arrogance.
Whoops…this kind of narcissistic ‘branding’ sadly masks the complex reality of anyone who has involvment with a real overt or covert narcissist. Such people are are often simply not believed, due to mis-use of the term.
Let’s face it….who wants to believe that a seemingly lovely person can also carry the flip-side of a dark manipulative and controlling shadow? Someone may spend years of relationship whilst experiencing confusion and cognitive dissonance, sensing something is ‘off”, being told they are wrong or wanting in some way, wishing to give benefit of the doubt, making more effort to relate well, facing uncomfortable truths and slowly losing energy, vitality, self-esteem, self-worth and trust.
Then maybe a therapist or a friend or a book or a curious magic, catalyses a process of revelations. It’s a big shock to realise you have been experiencing narcissistic abuse, yet also, a strange relief to make sense of the craziness.
NPD is defined in the DSM-5 as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), a need for admiration, a lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:
*Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)
*Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.
*Believes that they are “special” and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).
*Requires excessive admiration.
*Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations).
*Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
* Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.
* Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.
*Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes
An overt narcissist is quite obvious and often generally disliked, being showy, overtly attention-seeking, demanding attention, with little consideration for others.
If a narcissist is ‘covert’, they can be very well disguised!
In public, they are often well-liked, well-respected people who may be in a position of authority or visibility, often appearing to be quite humble.
Yet their private relating style is highly sophisticated in making themselves central, often charming, putting their needs first whilst cultivating superiority, with little consideration for the needs of others, unless it serves them.
Convinced of their own point of view and opinions with a need to be ‘right’, their response to questioning or disagreement is oft sophisticated shaming or belittling, unfavourable comparisons and veiled criticism. They may deny or diminish something which happened, to maintain a preferred self-image. And gaslighting is a common tactic.
Challenge to their fragile ego can illicit extreme and unpleasant responses. They may spin yarns of connections with ‘important’ people and situations in order to suggest their own importance; all these, in order to maintain the scaffolding of self-aggrandisement. Chillingly, I have read an analogy of cult leaders or guru figures sometimes being clear examples of covert narcissists….giving both love and persuasion in sophisticated measures.
A covert narcissist frequently may not have many enduring close friendships or family ties, frequently having more distant or virtual contacts, or a ‘following’ of people via social media.
They may identify as a victim of a cruel society, a tough upbringing or as suffering another more socially acceptable diagnosis or place on a spectrum. They may utilise this as a persona ‘card’, a self-justification for bad behaviour and to receive compassionate attention.
*NB. this is absolutely not to diminish genuine struggles!!
And of course someone who is narcissistic will themselves have a very real psychological struggle lying beneath their behaviour. Ideally they would take responsibility, be accountable and seek help. Yet unfortunately, taking this pathway to healing, is extremely rare.
EXPERIENCING RELATING with a Narcissistic person
Anyone involved with a narcissist will have experienced deeply confusing aspects of relationship, agonising self-questioning, and will eventually face a decision of continuing (with consequences), or leaving the relationship and moving towards self-support.
At this crux point, they may not yet realise that their lover, parent or friend is a covert narcissist, they simply know that their wellbeing is increasingly suffering, emotionally and maybe physically, knowing that something urgently needs to change, for their psychological survival or wellbeing.
Be aware, if leaving or distancing from a narcissist, that they commonly unleash deep rage when they feel rejected and are no longer being externally validated. With covert narcissism, this rage may come as a real shock, having been previously hidden beneath a veneer or mask of decency. Their experience of rejection may feel as if a power supply has been severed and they may feel quite desperate, maybe pursuing or stalking, or urgently seeking another ‘supply’.
* Creating and maintaining safety in whatever way is appropriate, is a very important issue when distancing or ending a relationship with a narcissist.
The sad truth is that a narcissist has a deep hollow inside them, an empty and diminished sense of Self, craving love and adoration…yet no amount of love from another will ever fill the hollowness within. This needs the healing of willing enquiry, exploration and committed therapeutic support.
Yet, it is typically the person who is, or has been in relationship with them, who will seek support.
The state of narcissistic suffering of sadness and hollowness, when perceived, oft touches an empathic heart. A dynamic begins of an open compassionate heart willingly giving love and support to an initially engaged and loving friend/lover/parent. There is something chillingly ‘workable’ about this dynamic…for a while.
A narcissist is typically drawn towards sensitive, kind, caring empathic people, who naturally give loving support to them. The two constants in anyone who becomes entangled with a narcissist, are ‘agreeableness and conscientiousness’….such a profound reminder to be aware of the challenge/shadow of these qualities, which need empowered boundaries to be healthy!
The realisation of the dynamics and deep energy drain due to being in relationship with a narcissist, often takes years to emerge and clarify and for healing to begin.
ACTION – If any of these things are happening, or have happened in any of your relationships, do take it seriously! Listening to your gut instincts and researching can support your ‘wonderings’.
You will need to look after your-self and your own needs, with ruthless compassion and gentleness.
It’s wise to open to the support of those around you whom you really trust, and who value and love you.
Therapeutic support with someone who has worked with narcissistic abuse may be really helpful, and/or working through a grounded and wisely created workbook (see recommendation below), may support you in engagement and exploration of your own process and healing.
Focussing upon what you need, your own values and integrity and life-direction are really important….you may have given a lot of focus and energy in your relating, and it now needs to turn towards yourself.
Self-caring boundary laying and cocooning are likely to feel like an instinctive need… wise and essential to follow.
Clarifying your experience and accepting the shocking realisations re.the dark underbelly and shadow of one you loved and or respected (ie. lover, parent, friend) and who you believed loved you, is huge.
Disentangling truths from lies, reality from illusion, making sense of the crazy swings of elevation/lovebombing to put-downs and diminishing behaviour, unpeeling attachments and habits takes great commitment, self honesty and trust for the journey of healing and re-building to begin.
The experience of narcissistic abuse commonly causes painful self-doubt in your own perceptive radar and sense of safety, self-worth and trust in both yourself and others. If you look closely, your instinct was beaming wise warnings which you did register, but maybe you simply didn’t heed or weren’t able to face at the time, or were told you were wrong or suspicious.
That wise radar of body-wisdom is intact within you, and can be re-strengthened to become a trusty navigational guidance, or bullshit detector!
Re-connecting with your gut instinct and body-wisdom and re-building self worth are core aspects of this healing journey.
Self-compassion and gentleness go a long way, especially in recognising and releasing the tough stuff…and the process needs commitment and patience.
Taking care to recognise and be responsible for your own choices in the past, alongside exploring how you may want to change them in the present and future is important and empowering, as well as fully realising all you have been through. There are patterns at work which are beneficial to discover and re-appraise.
* SUPPORTING a FRIEND – If you are close to anyone who may be experiencing narcissistic abuse, please be brave and voice your concerns with loving kindness and care. After the ending of a relationship with a narcissist, friends often confess concerns they themselves had, as they watched from the wings. It is surprisingly common that friends will have had a hunch that something was ‘off’ in the relationship, but didn’t know what to do or how to communicate their concerns. It takes courage to open such a conversation, yet this is an act of supportive friendship.
Go gently, offer a loving listening ear….and expect resistance, shock, relief, tears…maybe in cycles. Persevere in being a calm and loving support if you are able, and resource yourself for the journey, in whatever ways you yourself may need!
I highly recommend Debbie Mirza’s work on recovering from narcissistic abuse – ‘The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist’ and ‘Worthy of love’ (text and workbook), as well as her Youtube channel.
She is wise, knowing, has been there and come through and is deeply commited to supporting others.
May these writings be supportive and en-couraging to those who need. ❣️

ENDARKENMENT – Scorpio season and tending our roots

As nights lengthen and the leaves flame and fall, Scorpio season whispers to us across the veil of our everyday being. Sap descends and decaying vegetation seeps underground, nourishing roots and earth. Animals hibernate. Tending the invisible realm begins. At this time of year, we are drawn towards Life’s deep, juicy and pithy strata… deep mysteries of Fate and Free will, playing out in our shifting relationships with life, power, control and taboos. This is the realm of death, desire, sex, passion, truth, empowerment, un-doings, subterfuge, portals, trust, betrayals, hidden agendas. And…the going beyond all we may have imagined was possible in losing and re-finding ourselves.

Into Endarkenment…an echo of nature’s cycle. Heeding the call to tend our depths, perceiving and divining our own process s far, within the yearly round. We may dance with this season and enter the Underworld willingly by seeking solitude, enquiring, unfolding, undoing, revealing, with a sense of the Moirae as henchwomen at our back.

Courage is needed to pause within the stillness and potency of this fertile Void, simultaneously empty and full. Feel it, sniff it. Stay with fears of the dark and potential bogeymen and nothingness. What do you find here? This is a crucial and creative phase in our being and doing, which is frequently ignored. This pause/poise is the balance point which begins and ends the breath of life; the yin in-breath/inspiration and being phase, and the yang out-breath activity and doing. Potent.

During our lives, we may also be ‘taken down’, or taken further into the Underworld by intense or shocking life events (these phases may echo Pluto transits). Times within which we may experience a sense of dismemberment and dis-location from our known Self. Within such experiences, we are poised in profound choice…with consequences. To avoid or to engage….?

Responding with a willingness or magnetic pull to immerse ourselves within this process, we may well discover deepening capacity to face uncomfortable truths; phoenix-survival skills and a more deeply empowered sense of who we truly are. Treasure hidden beneath dragon’s wings. And for this process, it is essential to create a safe container, anchorage and an Ariadne’s thread to guide our return. Alongside the magic potion of ruthless compassion and self-honesty.

We are enchanted (sung into and across) the portals of Life and Death. So are we sung into our soul-depths during Scorpio and Samhain season and Pluto transits, or if we are Plutonic by nature. How we relate with and dance with this energy carries an element of choice.

It is a worthy journeying.  In the darkness we become still. We open to senses beyond our physical knowings, just as a seed buried in the dark awaits its time to swell and open. Our pulse slows, and we begin to perceive murmurings within the silence, connecting us to deeper strata of truth.

Resting and residing within this darkness strengthens and nourishes our root system. It hones our instinctive bone deep knowings.

And within this deep Underworld, we may discover our deepest strength, courage, wisdom and beauty.

Endarkenment is a challenge to our ego. It deconstructs and undoes. Courage is needed to let-go and dive within, to face our fear of the unknown and the dark; the monsters and dragons and ghosts of nightmares. And culture can offer seductive escape hatches to avoid facing threat…drawing us towards external doing and visible worldly achievements and interpretations of success and addictions…as if suspending ourselves on an eternal out-breath, forever in Summertime.

Yet within this descent and undoing…mossy terrain of spiral staircases going down, down… of cauldrons and wells and shadows…of snakeskins shedding and chrysalis shrouds, here we may find our Gold. If we can find a way of sitting with our process, our fears, our wonderings, however long it takes, within the dark, damp, fertile inner caverns where we fear dismemberment and meet dragons …we may also find magical mythical beasts and hench-folk who journey alongside us, which maybe we hadn’t previously seen. Deep shining empowerment and radiance may emerge from this territory. And the capacity to become a companion and lantern in the dark.

*Endarkenment – a word which wiggled and hatched into my awareness as Scorpio time approached, maybe after hearing ‘enlightenment’ and ‘light worker’ just one too many times. I felt the imbalance, and thought of Wendy sewing Peter Pan’s shadow back onto his foot, after it was lost and found….a re-connection and integration of Sprite and Shadow.

Scorpio Altar